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Humour in my life

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New Stuff
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.

A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body.

"This guy was an Englishman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector", says the mortuary chief.

The D.I. nods understandingly and is taken to the second dead man.

"This was an American, 25, won 124 million dollars in the Power Ball, spent it all on booze. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the contended smile."

"Nothing unusual here", thinks the D.I., and asks to be shown the last body.

"Ah," says the chief, "this is the most unusual one, a Sardar, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his picture taken," replies the chief.

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Father : Rahul, why were you wearing your spectacles while sleeping?
Rahul : To see my dreams more clearly,Dad.

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I COULD HAVE BEEN...
A Jockey, but could not take anyone for a ride.
A Tea Taster, but it wasn't quite my cup of tea.
An Ornithologist, but could'n get a birds eye-view.
An opera singer, but I hated to blow my own trumpet.

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Son : Who among father and son is more intelligent?
father : The father, naturally.
Son : Really? Then why did Columbus discover America, why not his father!

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Young man to pretty lady in the queue : Haven't I seen you some where earlier?
Lady(sweetly) : I am sure you have. I am a nurse at the mantel hospital.

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Client : Tow hundred for asking two questions! Isn't this rate too much?
Advocate : So it is. Now what's the second questions.

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Raja : Come on in, and don't mind the dog.
Visitor : Does he bite?
Raja : That's what i want to find out. I only bought him this morning.

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Sign in a bakery : Thank you for not dieting.
Sine in a shopwindow : This is a non profit making organisation. That is why we are closing.
On the licence plate of a taxi : where2?

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Cutlery they like ---
Gardeners : Forks
Champions : Cups
Engravers : Plates
Portrait painters : Mugs
Cricketers : Bowls

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Visitor at a small zoo : That's marvellous, having a lion and monkey in the same cage. How do they get along?
Zookeeper : Okay, usually. Occasionally they have a disagreement and we have to get a new monkey.

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The baby owl kept saying : "What?"
It's wise old father said : "Son, it's not 'what.' It's whoa......"

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She :Darling now that we are engaged, can you give me a ring ?
He : Certainly, what's your phonenumber ?

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All about authors
The shivering author : William Shakespeare.
The quickest author : Jonathan Swift.
The heaviest author : John Milton.
The tallest Author : H W Longfellow.
The coolest Author : Robert Frost.

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Dialogue between husband and wife when their village gets electrified.
Husband : At least we can now have what these shaherwalas always enjoyed.
Wife : What's that ?
Husband : Power cuts.

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Lady : Can the chldren travel in the bus on a half tickets ?
Conductor : Yes, provided they are less than 12.
Lady : Thank God, I have only 9

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A police detective questioning a drunk in a bar : "Do you know a man with one eye named Tony ?"
"Can't say I do. What's the name of his other eye ?"

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Love Notes :
Cardiologist : Heart throb.
Confectioner : Sweetheart.
Astrologer : Heaven knows.

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Son : Father, how much am I worth ?
Father : Why son, you're worth a million to me.
Son : Then please advance me some of it.

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Surgeon at operating table : Give him anesthesia, I'm ready to start.
Anaesthist : His heart is week, will he be able to stand it ?
Surgeon : Don't worry, I'll take the risk.
Patient interrupting : Just a moment, gentleman. Let us first clearly understand who's taking the risk !

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Doctor to patient : An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
The patient who is in love the doctor's wife, presents her a bushel of apples.

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Wife : Wherever we keep the money, our son steals it. I don't know what to do about it.
Husband : Keep it in his textbook. He will never touch it.

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Teacher : I asked everyone to draw a ring, why have you drawn a square ?
Suresh : This square is a ring -a boxing ring.
 

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