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Wife Wanted

FISHERMAN 
 

Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of the motorboat. 
 
SALESMAN
 
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelors around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career! 
 
ECONOMIST
 
There is demand of a wife. Though supply is no problem, my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest. 
 
MATHEMATICIAN
 
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit. 
 
IT CONSULTANT
 
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the inclusion of a wife into the programming of my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue. 
 
BUSINESS MAN
 
Wife wanted for company. 
 
POLITICIAN
 
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society................. (etc etc and never getting to the point) 
 
<> CAR DEALER
 
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition. Should not have a third party insurance. 
 
FARMER
 
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading. 
 
LAWYER
 
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly - a girl with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled. Apply in strictest  confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on your part of any kind whatsoever. 
 
PILOT
 
Wife required to fly through life together. Only level headed applicants need apply. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!! 
 
BANKER
 
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service for which no service charges would be payable. 
 
ACCOUNTANT
 
Required a girl endowed with mind boggling assets  + a good head for figures. remember BOTH conditions need be fulfilled. Tendency towards making unnecessary expenditure will prove to be a liability in the selection process. Her very nature should be one of generating as more income in my life as possible. She will be profited from the alliance with a nice personality  [ME] and this relation will be to the credit of her family. 
 
DRUNKARD 
 
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round that is only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can take me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.  <>
 
BUILDER
 
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up. Pillars of solid saftey and beams of understanding will be provided.
 
DOCTOR
 
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness i am experiencing. She must be capable of injecting happiness in my life.  She should not wrangle me in the vicious circle of multiple tests.  However if she feels the need for a second opinion then it's fine by me. 
 
ARMY COMMANDO
 
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided. 
 
RACE CAR DRIVER
 
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace.
 
ASTRONAUT
 
I'm searching for a wife to fill the black hole my life has become. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world.